Boobs on Endor: A Return of the Jedi Burlesque at Gorilla Tango

Reviewed By: Dave McGuire

Int. The Death Star Throne Room. The emperor stares Luke down, stroking the Luke’s very phallic light saber, which sits on the arm of his chair hip thrusting forward suggestively the emperor, smiles an evil, almost lustful smile, “You want this don’t you?” Luke glances at his light saber, virgin, (because come on, It’s Luke) lust smoldering in his eye, as he glances at his saber, being stroked by the shriveled flesh of the mighty Palpatine. The Emperor, continues, “Go ahead, take your Jedi weapon, stroke me off with all…. “Wait, what, no…. Let’s get back to this in a moment.

Gorilla Tango is completing their trilogy of Star Wars Burlesque shows, kicking off to a packed house. As per usual the ladies deliver, both in the sex appeal and the comedy. I must divorce myself from the teenage Star Wars fan I am, deep down, to deliver an honest critique. The show is entirely flawless to the passing fan of the Galaxy Far, Far, away, and the ladies each, and every one of them a true treasure whom poets could spend eons finding the perfect phrasing to describe their beauty. Though in all honesty there is something very disconcerting about a Jabba the Hutt, who is actually sexy, and she is (Fat Bottom Girls you do indeed make the rocking world go round.) I have honestly always felt sorry for Han, getting Liea as sloppy seconds from Jabba; – that Stank never is going to wash out. The staging is brilliant, Wicket (The brown Ewoke, who pokes Liea) years after the battle of Endor, is narrating to his grandson. Adds a new and interesting element to story line, making it seem more like its origin in the realm of Fairy Tales and High Fantasy; which I am absolutely certain was the Troupes intent, and not to create a Device that can circumvent the gigantic effects sequences. The Device of an aging Wicket narrator, does exactly this allowing the story to be told without having to see space battles, AT-ST crushed by redwood logs, speeder-bikes, Sarlac pits, and surprisingly we do not miss them. This devise also provides one of the shows greatest moments of humor, Vader, and the Emperor about to go all hard core on each other are interrupted by a Princess Bride reference. So we are “thankfully” saved from that spectacle.

The humor is bawdy and will have you laughing; however I feel this show like many other Jedi Parody’s Suffers from the curse of Jedi. Where in, Jedi was for the longest time, until the release of Episode I considered the weakest of the Saga. As Kevin Smith wrote of it in ‘Clerks’, “All Jedi had was a bunch of Muppets.” The girls of Gorilla Tango play it smart, taking this weakness and making it the centerpiece to disguise it. Again the Ewoks are center stage, and the battle scene – Dance number between the Ewoks and the storm troopers is epic. I am amazed with the absolute beauty of each and every women on stage. The interplay between the characters is well done, leading to some outrageously funny moments. Han and Liea are a perfect comedic team. Han “Where am I?” Liea: “Jabba’s Palace.” Han: “Shit! Who are you?” Liea: “Someone who loves you.” Han: “Chewie?” The portrayal of Luke as whining sniveling cry baby, is played to perfection and the interplay between him and Liea when he announces Yoda’s death is hilarity anthropomorphized. I highly recommend this production without any reservations, if you are looking to be turned on and to laugh at the Masterpiece that is Return of the Jedi, you will not be disappointed in this show.

And here is comes . . . that but, that if you have been reading you must have sensed by now.

The show does suffer from the Jedi curse, the “well we’ve done Empire, and New Hope, guess we have to do Jedi.” The opening crawl of the “Family Guy’s” Return of the Jedi parody sum it up perfectly. This leads to a rushed feel and a lack of energy. And missed cues all over the place. I opened this review with a paragraph detailing the seduction of Luke is in the movie more suited to a harlequin romance then a sci-fi epic, the line “You want this.” The Emperor has always seemed to me the perfection of pervy dirty old man, “I have felt him my master.” – “strange that I have not.” This is a severely missed cue. Is perfectly suited to a Burlesque show, but it is not there. If you grew up as I did, loving Star Wars but making jokes about the sexuality of it with your friends coming up with humorous names for the characters, Luke Thighrocker, Obi-wan Canstrokeme, Hands Solo, and so on, and so on, you will notice many missed opportunities at humor. If you are as geek as me and have spent WAY too many hours on this Trilogy. You will notice a serious lack if many of your favorite moments. Han telling Liea he loves her outside the shield generator, the Crimson guard, Lando!!! Lightsabers!!! Though the battle between Luke and Vader was awesomely sexy with their streamers, and oh, so, “growl” as they stripped one another, it could have gone further. “Your feelings for them are strong, especially for, Sister, so you have a twin sister, yummy, if you will not do me perhaps she will.”

So here is what I suggest. Go, enjoy the show! As stated it is amazingly staged and orgy of laughter, and sexy ladies, that even the most prolific poets Poe, Shakespeare, Yasono Akiko, could spend lifetimes looking for the phrasing to describe. Before you go however stop, take all those jokes you, and your friends have made over the years, take them, and follow Yoda’s advice, “you must unlearn what you have learned.” Otherwise you will find disappointment, in the missed cues. Which would be sad, because the show is brilliant, and such distractions should not ruin this overall masterpiece of sexy fun.